| I found it important for you all to know these two points. |
[26 Sep 2005|11:54pm] |
point number one.
I met the most perfect boy yesterday, though I've known him for almost two years. and I supposd he's not exactly a boy since he's 6 years older than me. maybe someday I'll share him with you all, but as for now, he's mine. haha.
point number two:
My father leaves for a 10 day trip to Indiana on wednesday. I believe you all know what this means. parties. every waking moment, a party. at least for me. If you come over, don't expect me to remember it.
This Friday=Black and White party. Dress, drink and smoke classy or get the fuck out. You must wear "dress apparrel" that is black and/or white or you will not be allowed in. you could be my bestfriend, but if you come dressed in something else you will be turned away at the door. and don't expect me to dress you because I don't own that many nice things, hah. and obviously BYOB..and weed...and whatever other methods of intoxication you decided to use.
WE'LL DO DRUGS AND FALL IN LOVE
.Marlene.
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| new hair!!! |
[03 Aug 2005|09:32pm] |
it's actually way brighter in person but whatev. I'm going to keep it like this for the rest of my life and just bleach the roots as they grow out.
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| girls on howard stern make me want to die |
[15 Jul 2005|11:58pm] |
so... I'm gonna stop updating lj publicly. basically I just don't give a shit about this anymore and I'm too lazy to actually WRITE in a real journal so I'll have this one to type in, but you all still won't get to know my secrets.
so long, it was.....pointless, haha.
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| "If you were a dog I'd kick you in the face" |
[27 Jun 2005|09:01pm] |
this weekend started out alright.
Friday got super waisted and passed out on a love seat with my dress up. and I got to play with a ferret and I fell in love.
Saturday went to the rock pit and met a hot guy with a fuckin hot ass voice and danced my ass off around a bonfire. Jaimee locked us out of her house, chris breaks in through a window for us.
but then it turned really gay
Sunday I went with Jaimee to her job interview at Sharis but I didn't want to sit in there so I walked around Hi School Pharmacy for 40 minutes buying pasta and fake tattoos. went to Genni's for a BBQ for Jason's birthday but it was kinda gay. Jaimee locked us out of her house again but the window that we broke into last time was locked so we go to my house.
Today I couldn't brush my teeth because my toothbrush and toothpaste are locked in jaimee's house. go to Pilates and get all sweaty and shit then jaimee shows up at my apartment and makes me go around with her everywhere smelling really badly. Come home shower, then can't find weed for a long time and once we find it I have to go home and argue with my father about going to damn drivers ed. He eventually threatens to take away enough things that I go. but then I see that there's a hot little 15 year old in my class so it's not as horrible that i have to be there. but then i am a child molester. and now I'm really high and baking cookies, so things are looking up.
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[12 Jun 2005|10:10pm] |
man, this weekend has just been a whole lot of super wasted. Thursday, got insanely high and drunk and went to Slightly Stoopid and danced as much as I could while falling asleep. Stayed at Jaimee's.
Friday, went to Genni's and smoked a lot all night while she was babysitting then went to the jungle juice party. majority of the alcohol was gone except for what was in the fruit and Nick gave me a 22. Cori, Jason, Darren, (I can't remember his girlfriend's name), Jaimee, Morgan and I bought tons of 22's of Mickeys and went to my apartment. drank tons. listened to records. and I don't remember too much of what happened.
Satruday, Jaimee and Morgan left early in the morning and I made breakfast for Cori Jason and I. Chris came over. We smoked. Then went to Brave New World for me to get a bong. I ended up getting two, hah. One is about two and a half feet tall, black and white with a yellow coil around it, and I named it 'Pole' because it's so big and the smaller one has naked girls and kisses all over it, and I named it Alastaisha after that really hot stripper that gave me a lapdance. Chris and I had Mike pick us up and go to LB's. We got 40's on the way over there. I drank one and devirginized Pole, then apparently passed out sitting up while watching Team America. I woke up at the end and smoked out of Alataisha, downed another 40 and took some Nodoz. Adam Chris and I went down to the docks and smoked more. I was way too hyper and started doing pushups and punching chris constantly. We came back to my apartment to watch American History X. I woke up at about 4am, face down at the foot of my bed with all my bedroom lights on, the movie turned off and alone.
Today, I felt like shit all morning then went to Genni's and have been smoking and watching movies all day long, and eating a bunch. I want to cut open my stomache.
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[10 Jun 2005|02:32pm] |
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music |
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The Doors "Strange" |
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Yesterday at work I was reading Hitler by Joachim C.Fest and I came across a nice little quote that I agree with, hah.
"We do not say an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. No, if anyone strikes an eye from us, we will chop off his head, and if anyone knocks out one of our teeth, we will smash in his jaw."
-Wilhelm Murr
I realized that that's how I feel when people screw me over. If I feel like I've been betrayed by someone then I will do anything I can to make that person miserable until I feel like I've gotten a fulfilling amount of revenge, then the person doesn't exist to me after that. I never think about them again and I don't feel bad about anything I've done to them.
Slightly psycho that I agree with something that one of the Nazi leaders has said, but I thought I should let you all know that I AM capable of becoming the spawn of satan. It's my mom's blood in me. She does the exact same thing.
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[01 Jun 2005|08:46pm] |
Today was..retarded, to say the least.
Everything was going wrong with the machine which meant I had tons of plastic to grind up, plus all my fucked up plastic from the past week. My wrists are fucked from cutting up about 60xs more plastic than I normally do. The guy that's replacing me after I quit next week came in to learn how to do everything and everytime I was around he would stare at me. and it wasn't subtle staring either, he'd stop doing whatever he was doing and stare at me. I felt like he was raping and murdering me with his eyes. I hate it when people stare at me. doesn't matter what the reason is. it's creepy. don't do it. PLUS someone shit in the toilet in the shop and didn't flush it. I think it was Jay. he's odd.
I believe I've finally figured out what I want from a guy.
sex.
haha that's it really. sex and a friend. no romance. no complicated emotions. to me, sex is sex. and I need it on a regular basis, hah. no more sleeping with people I don't know either. 50% of the time it turned out not too well due to messy emotions (not on my part) so from now on I'm going to make sure people aren't crazy beforehand, heh.
Also at the moment there isn't anyone that comes even close to giving me the 'googly feeling'. it's extremely rare for me to meet someone that I even find attractive. basically I'm doomed.
::sigh:: I guess I'll just have to stick to daydreaming about Angelina Jolie.
oh my god! speaking of hot people, everyone needs to go see Star Wars! Hayden Christensen is the sexiest man alive! I was literally hyperventilating in the theatre whenever he came on the screen. even now just thinking about I'm breathing heavily. wow.
p.s. My birthday is exactly a month away. I don't care if anyone buys me anything. I stopped expecting presents ever since my 17th bday when the present from my bestfriend at the time was a sip of her 40, haha whatta fuckin bitch. Just hang out with me. Drink with me. Laugh at me when I black out at hump things. I just wanna have fun with the people I care about.
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| I have a very serious question for you all... |
[31 May 2005|09:19pm] |
what do you say to someone who is dying?
seriously, I want to know.
Betsy, my mom's bestfriend since I was 2, and my sister's bestfriend's (Heather) aunt/adoptive mother, is dying of ovarian cancer. Apparently she's not going to last even a month, most likely a lot less. I've never had anyone close to me die. The only person I've ever even MET that's died is my great great aunt, and I only met her once.
Heather's in Seattle right now with Betsy, where she's being treated and I guess they don't want any visitors but said it's okay to call in the next couple of days. I'm fucking terrified. Not of death or of Betsy passing away, but of how I'll react. I've never been presented with this situation before, or anything remotely like it. I don't even feel like I'd be able to handle calling her. what would I say? the last thing you want to do is remind someone that they're dying. I can't even do the usual small talk, "how've you been?".dying. "hope I see you soon". well you won't because I'll be dead.
Heather's pretty much my other sister and one of my good friends and I'm afraid to call her. I've always been horrid at comforting people and this is the second mother she's going to lose to the same fucking cancer.
don't leave me pity comments or even say "i'm sorry" just give me advice if you have ANY at all.
there's no need to be sorry anyways. I'm not sad she's dying. I mean, I'll obviously miss her like crazy, she's basically the middle aged female version of Jack from Will&Grace, but I know it'll be better for her to just pass on and end all the pain she's had to go through, plus she'll be back with her sister. It'll happened no matter how much I cry or mourn, so why do it at all?
I'm getting the feeling I may think too logically at times.
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[30 May 2005|01:14pm] |
man, last night was....drunk. hah, I had fun though I believe.
I heard Edgar fart for the first time this morning. it was disgusting.
Today, I will smoke away my hang over.
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| hello, i love you, won't you tell me your name? |
[26 May 2005|11:28pm] |
I...am high.
I don't really have too much to say that's really important but I hadn't updated for a while so I figured I should. I was a bitch for a while and didn't really realize it, but I'm all better now cuz I saw I was being a huge D bag quite a lot. now I'm happy. woot. man with all these periods (.) I look like I'm being sarcastic or depressed. but no. I'm just high.
my obsession with old men is back. it was gone for a while and I thought there was some hope for me to not be a creep that gets insanely huge crushes on old men. then I went through a brief younger boys phase. then back to my own age group. then surprisingly I took a strong disliking to all guys...for no real reason, other than that they're CRAZY! in one way or another. now I'm back to the old men. I'm disgusted with myself again.
and it's all because of this man....
bwahaha I love that man!it seriously is disturbing how badly I want him. and this picture was taken about 20 years ago. heh.
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| oh why oh why do I hate mondays? |
[16 May 2005|05:37pm] |
Today...was super lame. I was working with my machine today and one of the parts was about to fall off a table, I only had one glove on and I grabbed the part with the ungloved hand, oh an did I mention that the part was 400 degrees?!?! I have fuckin blisters all over my fingers on my left hand and can hardly bend them. you know what else is awesome? the guy that's in the back room with me was playing country on the radio all day. country music makes me want to stab babies.
I'm quitting after I get my paycheck next week. Since I'm going to be moving out fairly soon I would need to get a license and car to drive to this job...but then the only reason I'm not a mail carrier is because I don't have a license. therefore it makes more sense for me to do what I really want to do and I won't even need to get a car since I'm going to be living downtown, I'll just walk to the friggin post office.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory advertisement.July 15th. NEAT!
so...I'm definately..going to go...smoke some pot.
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[04 May 2005|06:19pm] |
oh. dear. god. I 'punched his V card' as Jen and Erin put it. I don't know if I can handle the responsibility of this. Way too many emotions, on his part. but I didn't knooooooow!
on a lighter note. I'm super excited for cinco de mayo. tomorrow, show, then Christina's to most likely get more trashed than I will already be. Saturday, fiesta at Jenny's. a woo hoo!
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| you didn't realize you have to get in line to suck a cock |
[02 May 2005|05:45pm] |
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My whole extended weekend was fucking brilliant. there are pictures but I'm too tired to upload them right now. they're of me passed out with penis' drawn all over me, condoms sticking out of every crack of my body, and shaving cream all over my face with beer cans and a half gallon of vodka next to me. I love my friends, hah.
Thursday- Jen's family went out of town so she decided to have a few friends over to drink. I got drunk quickly. met a cute boy. we..ahem.."talked" till about 4:30 am then discovered that everyone else had already passed out. He left for work. I went to bed in Jen's aunt and uncle's bed. king size beds are great, especially for rolling around in, muahah.
Friday- Jen Erin and I all woke up still drunk. Watched SNL for quite some time. Jen's dad came by. He told me I look like Elvis....odd. Went home to shower then Lynda and I went to Mary's dress shop and she told me if I come in then she'll give me a "discount" which actually means she'll give me free shit and everything she sells is designer and is usually around $200, but cuuuuute as shit! Met Jen and Erin to go to To Fall Victim's first show (Christian's band). Got drunk. Saw Shaaaaaawn! which was exciting. I love that man, even though it's slightly creepy that he's 35 and always tells us how he wants to have sex with us. good thing he's hot haha. We went to his house. Watched porn (my idea of course), drank a whole lot more. I was blacked out for the rest of the night, but apparently somehow I managed to get strangled by my seatbelt, from what I hear.
Saturday-Jen Erin and I spent the morning in bed watching VH1 then went out to breakfast at IHOP. We had to bring Joey along because Jeremy was working. He got the "Funny Face" pancake and he starting screaming and crying when Erin cut it up because she "killed the face". It was so sad but I couldn't stop laughing. Jen took me home, then I picked up my Jaim-Jaim and we went to Jenny's then to a kegger. I knew probably 8 out of the 80 people, and when I say 'know' I mean I've met them before. I'm officially in love with Jenny and Morgan's family! there's so many of them and they're all so fun. Jaimee made me kiss Morgan's twin brother Ray, for her own entertainment, but then she tried to get me to kiss about 4 other people. I may be a slut but I'm no floozie!! hah kidding. I got really drunk and high. Some guy thought that me and Jaimee were a lesbian couple. Probably because she kept flipping up my skirt and making me kiss her on the cheek. Convinced some guy that Jaimee thought was hot to give us a ride to Morgan's. Made food and started to watch a movie...don't remember which one cuz I passed out very quickly.
SundayCame home because it was Lynda's 22nd birthday. I got her the Seinfeld dvd.she's a dork. hah. Went to Jenny's and smoked a loooooot and ate way too much food. Went to Jaimee's and watched The Girl Next Door, which I actually liked, then new Family Guy. that fuckin made my night.
today was work. now my body is worn out and I want a beer and a bowl. aaaaahhhh....
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[27 Apr 2005|09:02pm] |
I GOT THE JOB!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
how wildly unexpected. I start tomorrow. 6 fuckin 30 in the AM. it's disgusting.
LET'S SNORT SOME COKE AND FUCK SOME MEN, BITCHES!
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[26 Apr 2005|11:42pm] |
Today was a pretty productive day. I woke up fuckin early, for me, and went to my mom's work to apply for a job running the tubing machines. Oh by the way, I'm dropping out of beauty school, hah. So I went in there and Eric showed me a few times how to run the machine and measure, weigh, and package the tubing then he had me do it myself for a couple of hours. I had my mom take me home because I had to take a fatty poop.
When my mom showed up to get me, she not only had my dog with her but she had more puppies that I had never seen before and they were sooooo cute! so I took them for the day and they followed me around everywhere I went.
I also went tanning. woot. and discovered that the Catalyst doesn't have any MSI cds...cuz they're inbred.
ANNNND I found the greatest thing EVER hanging out the fence by the dumpster at my apartments....
BAM NIGGA! YOU KNOW YOU'RE JEALOUS!
( I love puppieeeees! )
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[21 Apr 2005|03:39pm] |
I'm upset with a few people right now. I don't quite understand why it's so hard to be a decent person.
dicks.
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[17 Apr 2005|03:15pm] |
man, I've been getting drunk out of my mind a lot lately. Last night Jesse, Jack, Jakey and I went over to Erin's to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Basically a bunch of drunk ass people yelling at the tv all night. Some guy I don't even know the name of was hitting on me. I told Erin I wanted to have a threesome with her and her husband. She said she did too, hah. drinka drinka drinka. shit went down that ruined the evening. The boys and I left and went to Jesse's, I guess I passed out and when Jesse tried to wake me up I apparently started kicking him,heh.
Jack:whoa Marlene, are you a little too drunk?
Me:no, I just like to be a bitch.
I found that very amusing since I was obviously trashed seeing as how I don't even remember going to jesse's. Came home at about 3. now..I'm bored.
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[15 Apr 2005|08:47pm] |
LAST NIGHT WAS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!
oh my god..so much fun in every possible way.
Strippers+porn+vibrators+vodka+one fuckin hot ass guy even wilder than me= a very brilliant evening..slash morning. muahahaha.
I'll tell you the details if I see fit.
fuck..Bani needs to turn 18 more often.
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blueeyedsuicide's journal
